Miss Manners: Am I petty to think my neighbors’ parties are unfair to single people?

DEAR MISS MANNERS My neighbors have several gatherings a year and they are invariably potlucks Related Articles Miss Manners I don t want to sound so curt when they ask about wedding gifts Miss Manners Can I stop feeding my guests to get them to leave Miss Manners I m embarrassed to be seen with the lollipop snatcher Miss Manners The F-bombs were flying and I didn t know what to say to these hockey fans Miss Manners I notified the tiresome texter to cut it out and he got mad If the invitation says Bring a dish to share and a bottle of wine then I am happy to do so However I m single and I have noticed that the couples and families also bring only one dish and one bottle of wine Am I being petty to think this is unfair GENTLE READER Etiquette is not in the business of making everything exactly fair Unless things are overtly unfair it is more polite not to notice Since the point of the potluck is to share it feels unseemly to count exact portions Perhaps the families do not eat or drink much Miss Manners therefore suggests you overlook this injustice and save your annoyance for all of the other avenues single people are disadvantaged inconvenienced and charged more in our society DEAR MISS MANNERS Sometimes I am served something I don t want to eat like meat with fat or gristle I trim my portion and move the trash to the side of my plate inconspicuously I hope Once though I was served peas that had coarse strings that hadn t been removed So I removed them before eating each one Is leaving a pile of debris offensive to the hosts or other diners Does it imply that the cook was sloppy GENTLE READER Perhaps but it is preferable to choking slowly on pea strings DEAR MISS MANNERS I was taught by my mother and grandmother who practiced what they preached that condolence letters are to be acknowledged Their practice was to answer every condolence letter with a return letter It could be long or short but at the very least it should express gratitude for the sender s thoughtfulness I have followed their practice throughout the decades and I have revealed that writing acknowledgment letters has been very helpful to me as I have coped with the grief of losing crucial friends or family members In latest years however I have not received any acknowledgment for condolence letters that I have sent I make it a point to write something thoughtful including a memory of the deceased and a message of my appreciation of him or her I would never send a preprinted store-bought condolence card Should I just face the fact that majority of people exclusively don t write acknowledgments anymore I d like to tell them that doing so might help them in their grieving process It is also a thoughtful gesture to acknowledge thoughtful gestures right GENTLE READER Yes but Miss Manners does not recommend you tell them that Besides it being an admonishment it will not help your cause if they disagree Related Articles Dear Abby Is there a way to tell the crass shirttail relations that they re not invited Asking Eric The latest of my friends to vanish had been acting strange on our walk Harriette Cole The caption on my middle-schooler s TikTok selfie shocked me Miss Manners I don t want to sound so curt when they ask about wedding gifts Dear Abby I work on the road and come home to this chaos But if it makes you feel better you are correct Condolence letters should be acknowledged assuring those who care that their appreciation of the deceased and sympathy for the bereaved was meaningful Doing so can also offer comfort in recognizing the importance of the life that was lost Or not But it is still the correct thing to do Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO