Miss Manners: I’ve done this for years as a teacher, but maybe it’s an absurd tradition?

DEAR MISS MANNERS As a guide for the past years I have been fortunate to receive thoughtful gifts of thanks and appreciation from my students and their families during the holiday season and at the end of the school year Related Articles Miss Manners I hate their dinnertime conversation but I can t just find new friends Miss Manners I was called a thief for getting fizzy water without paying Miss Manners These women wore white gowns to my wedding and people were talking Miss Manners His driving was terrifying He responded poorly when I questioned him to slow down Miss Manners I skipped a party for a colleague I don t like Should I have lied about why These gifts often include mugs chocolates baked goods or gift cards Between us I will admit that my favorite gifts are notes of appreciation from students and parents In return I have reliably taken the time to write careful and personal thank-you notes for each of these gifts Part of my motivation has been to set an example for my students demonstrating the importance of expressing gratitude through a handwritten note However this practice is time-consuming particularly during my breaks when the sheer volume of letters overwhelms me At Christmas this year the time it took prompted me to pause and reflect Is it truly necessary to write a thank-you note for a thank-you gift It feels a bit circular I can t imagine not writing the notes but I feel compelled to ask Would a simpler acknowledgment suffice or is this a tradition I should continue GENTLE READER Yes Continue Let us not threat perpetuating that prevalent but totally false idea that a present given in thanks need not be acknowledged that it would lead to a loop in which the giver and recipient would spend the rest of their lives thanking each other Nonsense A letter of thanks does not require a response a present given for whatever reason does Those children were maybe somewhat involved in giving you those presents they may even have chosen them Do you want to leave them wondering if you even cared Children almost never receive letters well neither do adults these days so these would be special You appreciate letters from them and their parents so you ought to understand how much they would appreciate letters from you And it will be an additional boon to the parents who are requiring their children to write letters of thanks for their birthday and holiday presents DEAR MISS MANNERS I am permanently in a wheelchair as a effect of an injury There is nothing wrong with my mind Several people assume I cannot speak for myself and specific move my wheelchair in directions I do not wish to go What can I say to these strangers to convey that I am capable of speaking for myself and that I do not care to be treated like a piece of furniture Several people are considerate holding doors for me and asking if I would like help Others are quite rude GENTLE READER Excuse me but I am right here to those who talk above you And STOP to anyone rude enough to move your wheelchair without your permission Related Articles Dear Abby I don t want to analysis them but their house is too foul for kids Asking Eric My mother seems jealous of the attention to my injured son Harriette Cole My -year-old s day care meltdowns are a big matter Miss Manners I hate their dinnertime conversation but I can t just find new friends Dear Abby Since she went no-contact I tell people I don t have a child DEAR MISS MANNERS I m feeling stuck about how to respond to a text message that combines a thank-you and a compliment For example would you respond to a text message that says Thank you for the delicious dinner with a thank you for appreciating the dinner a you re welcome for the thank-you or both GENTLE READER Neither You re off free Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO