Miss Manners: The F-bombs were flying, and I was speechless

DEAR MISS MANNERS I was seated in front of two men at a hockey contest and every other word they declared was the F-word Related Articles Miss Manners I advised the tiresome texter to cut it out and he got mad Miss Manners She was late so I left Was I the rude one Miss Manners Was I rude to ask where they got the swell walker Miss Manners We didn t realize we drank all the champagne for the whole plane Miss Manners I ve done this for years as a trainer but maybe it s an absurd tradition I longed to say something but wondered what would be the best way to address them I thought about saying something like Hey you look like smart guys but your vocabulary makes you sound less than intelligent Do you have a suggestion or was ignoring them the highway to take That is what I did GENTLE READER Thereby avoiding the likely response which would be to F-off As offensive as that would be Miss Manners cannot help seeing that it would come from a legitimate objection First that they were having a private conversation even if you couldn t help overhearing it And second that it is rude not to mention ineffective to go around correcting strangers DEAR MISS MANNERS There is a relatively nice person who works near me in our busy financial office They are talented and smart but they have an annoying habit of interjecting a constant stream of unsolicited wellness advice and warnings into every single conversation They will warn me of the plastic in teabags as they watch me make a cup of tea or the danger of using medical-grade masks to avoid viruses If I put cream in my coffee they blurt out Milk instant inflammation They issue warnings of the dangers of tap water while I pour myself a glass warnings about over-the-counter painkillers while I take one for a headache and warnings about vaccines when I mention getting a COVID booster gee ever heard of tetanus or polio After a dental appointment I got to hear about the hazardous chemicals used in modern dentistry I have been advised about the nanoparticles in every item ever manufactured and the risks of every medication ever made The advice is not without merit but it is constant interruptive unsolicited and negative It s also become really annoying and I m contemplating avoiding this person They have made an educational journey to become a healer after retirement and I can see how they might have various success because of their desire to help people But not in the office thank you I wish they would save the warnings for their future paying clients What can I say in a short humorous or simple way to stop this stream of warnings about every single move I make GENTLE READER All right here is your acting assignment Related Articles Asking Eric My sister wants me to have a baby and raise it in her cult Dear Abby I provoked my fiancee with the wedding photos and she hit the roof Asking Eric My husband s one-night fling is now with his brother and it s awkward for us Harriette Cole One of my bridesmaids didn t show up for the wedding Miss Manners I stated the tiresome texter to cut it out and he got mad At each warning throw your arms up in an I surrender position widen your eyes and say uh-oh After you hold the pose for a moment you can break into a smile Three such performances should do it If your colleague is nice even relatively nice Miss Manners predicts that you will get a return smile and fewer warnings Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO